OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
