life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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