Im at strip club and am horny
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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