My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
