The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
