sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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