so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
