How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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