I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize