so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
