so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
