He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
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So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on a dog bed..
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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