Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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