At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
