I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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