actually, I'm a sock model
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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