I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Randomize
