yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
