why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
