I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
