The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
