i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
