All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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