a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
