new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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