The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
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I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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