I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
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Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
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I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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