Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
