i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i dont even know how to be here
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
