you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
