Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just found puke in my bra..
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
