Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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