smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
