were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
