Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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