Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
