He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
