Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
