Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
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The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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