I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
