Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
