apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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