Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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