i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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