I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize