im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
