There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
