either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
