I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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