i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
