Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
