SEEEEXXX PLEASE
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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