i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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