it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
