The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
