i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
