he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
