Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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