So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
