I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Randomize
