The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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