They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
