Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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