I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
