Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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